When I started this it was more of a fan fiction of S&S, what if Sean Riley had a gf and she was caught in the middle of all this bullshit Collin created. I figured if he was as violent as he was for his partner he'd be savage for his love. The first part was going to be it.
I was lying in bed a while later and thought about how ppl can jump to conclusions and ruin their lives. I wrote part two from that a guy who wanted to keep his gf safe and her thinking the worst. I tied the two together in
my head and the story started. You can't direct where it goes you're kind of just along for the ride. I've always loved weapons and I was in the military for a bit so I didn't want her to be a pussy completely dependant on Johnny. She came from a rough background and had a brother skilled in combat training although when I wrote it I didn't know about Sean yet he popped up later.
When I write the story takes on a life it grows on it's own I'm just there to write it down. I wanted to be accurate or as accurate as I could be. I think writers should write what they know and research what they don't. Like how many rounds each magazine holds. And what the terms your using mean. The passion of the story is from my own desires and dreams. I miss the military and the lifestyle.
So when these intimate scenes occur between her and Johnny I guess it's my desires that are defined by things that I would do and say to the man I love. Touching the way I would touch him and hearing what I'd want him to say. I didn't want sex in the story. I wanted to create two things. One is that it was something so raw and passionate between these two damaged lovers that it was personal and second the best way to show your passion to others is to make them use their imagination. It's not a porn story it's a passionate love story I'm not hear to improve ppls sex lives
All of the metaphors they use are mine as far as I know I mean I could be wrong. I do believe that when you meet the love of your life you'll see it in their eyes. That you'll feel that connection immediately even if you don't know what it is at the time. I strongly believe that every scar you have makes you who you are. If you didn't go through what you did in life you'd be someone else and not the one I love so every scar either physical or emotion shaped your heart and soul!
I use the words "wrapped me in his arms" and "held me close" and things like that a lot because that's what I want I want a man who will hold me until the pain goes away who's embrace alone can cure me.
When Sean is first introduced I had no clue where he was going in the story. The fact that he's the brother and the best friend happened on its own but turned out for the best. I had to develop the background with her and Sean and there's no better way to show a violent life then with a drunken father a big brother and an abused little sister. It's cliche but suited its purpose.
Sean's torn he's glad they have each other but a bit jealous too cause he's alone now. He brought them together (which we see at the end) and knows it was the best thing to do but he feels obsolete now. Until he breaks down and sees it was his fault all along.
Johnny and her never really fight they have moments. I think that's because they've both seen enough fighting in their lives and they just want to enjoy each other. They make sacrifices even little ones to make each other happy. After all the little sacrifices are the ones that matter right?
At the end when they head to the house Sean knows that if it comes down to him or Johnny dying its gonna be him. That's why he places her with Johnny he'd be pre occupied with her safety and not be able to stop it if it happened. That's why he lies to her and said Johnny saved his life when really he saved Johnny.
The fight between them after Sean dies is short lived its just tension and guilt and Johnny finally realizing that it's not always his fault. He then comforts her cause its not her who made him feel that way.
Back at the cabin I tried to make it like Johnny was just trying to get her through the night. I came up with him calling the captain when I couldn't think of a realistic way for them to run that's when I realized the story was over. When they go to bed knowing that the running is over but Johnny's gonna go to jail he wants her to know what a hero her brother really was for saving his life years ago. That's when they realize that Sean planned it all he wanted them to meet and fall in love. He knew that he was all Johnny had and he was all his sister had and that he wasn't always going to be there. It ends with them falling asleep in each others arms ready to start their new life together.
The last scene so to speak is whenever Johnny had gotten out of jail and they have their little boy named Sean of course. It ends with the boys eyes the way the whole thing started when they first looked into each others eyes.
Hope you enjoyed it I'm actually sad it's over. I feel so alive right now writing again is amazing.
