Alone in this world left to fight my own war. No love. Just the strength I have inside. You won't beat me.
Standing strong I push forward through the pain. No one can stop me you can't hurt me anymore.
Darkness tried to take me but fought to find the light. This is my life, my fight. You can't take what I've fought to get.
Standing strong I push forward, the pain is my fight. You can take that away.
Monday, 22 April 2013
Thursday, 18 April 2013
Starting Now
Feelin alive and free. Can't believe how you make me feel. I was drownin on land searching for a cure when I found you.
Set me free. Bring me home. I can't believe what you do to me.
I was barely hanging on. I was lost and all alone you found me wandering in the night. You gave me strength to fight.
Set me free. Bring me home. I can't believe what you do to me.
This is the life I've always wanted. Nothing's gonna hold me back again. This is the rest of my life.
What you do to me brings me back. My life starts right now.
Set me free. Bring me home. I can't believe what you do to me.
I was barely hanging on. I was lost and all alone you found me wandering in the night. You gave me strength to fight.
Set me free. Bring me home. I can't believe what you do to me.
This is the life I've always wanted. Nothing's gonna hold me back again. This is the rest of my life.
What you do to me brings me back. My life starts right now.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Before Your Eyes
You pull me out of the darkness towards the light of day. You give me hope I've never had before. Where have you been while I suffered in silence.
You hold me up when I am weak. Be my new beginning. Watch me shine before your eyes.
I'm sick of all the shit that they all put me through. Jealousy is all it's been they know I'm bound for more, I'm leavin them behind.
You hold me up when I am weak. Be my new beginning. Watch me shine before your eyes.
Starting my new life with you. Finally know what love is and I'm never letting go
You hold me up when I am weak. Be my new beginning. Watch me shine before your eyes.
I'm sick of all the shit that they all put me through. Jealousy is all it's been they know I'm bound for more, I'm leavin them behind.
You hold me up when I am weak. Be my new beginning. Watch me shine before your eyes.
Starting my new life with you. Finally know what love is and I'm never letting go
Monday, 15 April 2013
12 Yrs Old
Why am I here just to feel your wrath. What did I do that you don't give a fuck. You made me who I am. You tore me down
You hate me you despise me you wish I was never born, sent me packin when I was 12 years old.
You have me life and took it back. Said you wished I was never made. What the fuck did I do to deserve all this pain.
You hate me you despise me you wish I was never born, sent me packin when I was 12 years old.
Hate and pain surrounded me, now I'm fightin to break free I'm gonna find a way, I'm strong again.
You hate me you despise me you wish I was never born, sent me packin when I was 12 years old.
You have me life and took it back. Said you wished I was never made. What the fuck did I do to deserve all this pain.
You hate me you despise me you wish I was never born, sent me packin when I was 12 years old.
Hate and pain surrounded me, now I'm fightin to break free I'm gonna find a way, I'm strong again.
Need
Can't see the light drowning in my soul. Reaching out but no one's there. I'm so cold.
Where are you out in the night. I need you to come save me. I'm lost can't find my way, you're all I need rescue me
Are you my saviour. Here to keep me safe. When will you find me. Take me home make me yours.
Where are you out in the night. I need you to come save me. I'm lost can't find my way you're all I need rescue me
Don't leave me here to die. Alone and unprepared. Take me in your arms and show me you're not scared.
I need you to save me cause I'm lost and alone. You need me to show you the way home.
Where are you out in the night. I need you to come save me. I'm lost can't find my way, you're all I need rescue me
Are you my saviour. Here to keep me safe. When will you find me. Take me home make me yours.
Where are you out in the night. I need you to come save me. I'm lost can't find my way you're all I need rescue me
Don't leave me here to die. Alone and unprepared. Take me in your arms and show me you're not scared.
I need you to save me cause I'm lost and alone. You need me to show you the way home.
Destiny
This is my life. This is my day. They can't decide how I'll live. I'm not a pet for them to train, I grew up long ago.
My life. My way. You can't tell me, how to live out my destiny. Back off. You're wrong. I'll be ok.
Why can't they just let me be. I want to run away. Tired of doubting who I am. I won't be like a sheep like them. They raised me wrong. But I grew up stronger than they wanted me to be.
My life. My way. You can't tell me how to live out my destiny. Back off. Your wrong. I'll be ok.
I'll leave this place. I'll find my way. They have no more control. I'll leave them all behind and make it all alone.
This is my life no one's gonna stop me from living out my destiny. I'll be ok.
My life. My way. You can't tell me, how to live out my destiny. Back off. You're wrong. I'll be ok.
Why can't they just let me be. I want to run away. Tired of doubting who I am. I won't be like a sheep like them. They raised me wrong. But I grew up stronger than they wanted me to be.
My life. My way. You can't tell me how to live out my destiny. Back off. Your wrong. I'll be ok.
I'll leave this place. I'll find my way. They have no more control. I'll leave them all behind and make it all alone.
This is my life no one's gonna stop me from living out my destiny. I'll be ok.
Life
Beaten and broken I'm running scared searching for my salvation. Will I ever get away. Born this way. Must of been bad whatever I did, I haven't been happy a day.
I'm tired of fightin a war that's not mine, penetrated with shrapnel and pain. What did I do to make your life so hard I want to run far away
Stuck here with nothin but heartache and fear. No love has made me cold. I long for a love that will take me away.
Make my own luck and save myself you created life with no soul.
I'm tired of fightin a war that's not mine, penetrated with shrapnel and pain. What did I do to make your life so hard I want to run far away
Stuck here with nothin but heartache and fear. No love has made me cold. I long for a love that will take me away.
Make my own luck and save myself you created life with no soul.
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Plot thoughts (read last)
When I started this it was more of a fan fiction of S&S, what if Sean Riley had a gf and she was caught in the middle of all this bullshit Collin created. I figured if he was as violent as he was for his partner he'd be savage for his love. The first part was going to be it.
I was lying in bed a while later and thought about how ppl can jump to conclusions and ruin their lives. I wrote part two from that a guy who wanted to keep his gf safe and her thinking the worst. I tied the two together in
my head and the story started. You can't direct where it goes you're kind of just along for the ride. I've always loved weapons and I was in the military for a bit so I didn't want her to be a pussy completely dependant on Johnny. She came from a rough background and had a brother skilled in combat training although when I wrote it I didn't know about Sean yet he popped up later.
When I write the story takes on a life it grows on it's own I'm just there to write it down. I wanted to be accurate or as accurate as I could be. I think writers should write what they know and research what they don't. Like how many rounds each magazine holds. And what the terms your using mean. The passion of the story is from my own desires and dreams. I miss the military and the lifestyle.
So when these intimate scenes occur between her and Johnny I guess it's my desires that are defined by things that I would do and say to the man I love. Touching the way I would touch him and hearing what I'd want him to say. I didn't want sex in the story. I wanted to create two things. One is that it was something so raw and passionate between these two damaged lovers that it was personal and second the best way to show your passion to others is to make them use their imagination. It's not a porn story it's a passionate love story I'm not hear to improve ppls sex lives
All of the metaphors they use are mine as far as I know I mean I could be wrong. I do believe that when you meet the love of your life you'll see it in their eyes. That you'll feel that connection immediately even if you don't know what it is at the time. I strongly believe that every scar you have makes you who you are. If you didn't go through what you did in life you'd be someone else and not the one I love so every scar either physical or emotion shaped your heart and soul!
I use the words "wrapped me in his arms" and "held me close" and things like that a lot because that's what I want I want a man who will hold me until the pain goes away who's embrace alone can cure me.
When Sean is first introduced I had no clue where he was going in the story. The fact that he's the brother and the best friend happened on its own but turned out for the best. I had to develop the background with her and Sean and there's no better way to show a violent life then with a drunken father a big brother and an abused little sister. It's cliche but suited its purpose.
Sean's torn he's glad they have each other but a bit jealous too cause he's alone now. He brought them together (which we see at the end) and knows it was the best thing to do but he feels obsolete now. Until he breaks down and sees it was his fault all along.
Johnny and her never really fight they have moments. I think that's because they've both seen enough fighting in their lives and they just want to enjoy each other. They make sacrifices even little ones to make each other happy. After all the little sacrifices are the ones that matter right?
At the end when they head to the house Sean knows that if it comes down to him or Johnny dying its gonna be him. That's why he places her with Johnny he'd be pre occupied with her safety and not be able to stop it if it happened. That's why he lies to her and said Johnny saved his life when really he saved Johnny.
The fight between them after Sean dies is short lived its just tension and guilt and Johnny finally realizing that it's not always his fault. He then comforts her cause its not her who made him feel that way.
Back at the cabin I tried to make it like Johnny was just trying to get her through the night. I came up with him calling the captain when I couldn't think of a realistic way for them to run that's when I realized the story was over. When they go to bed knowing that the running is over but Johnny's gonna go to jail he wants her to know what a hero her brother really was for saving his life years ago. That's when they realize that Sean planned it all he wanted them to meet and fall in love. He knew that he was all Johnny had and he was all his sister had and that he wasn't always going to be there. It ends with them falling asleep in each others arms ready to start their new life together.
The last scene so to speak is whenever Johnny had gotten out of jail and they have their little boy named Sean of course. It ends with the boys eyes the way the whole thing started when they first looked into each others eyes.
Hope you enjoyed it I'm actually sad it's over. I feel so alive right now writing again is amazing.
I was lying in bed a while later and thought about how ppl can jump to conclusions and ruin their lives. I wrote part two from that a guy who wanted to keep his gf safe and her thinking the worst. I tied the two together in
my head and the story started. You can't direct where it goes you're kind of just along for the ride. I've always loved weapons and I was in the military for a bit so I didn't want her to be a pussy completely dependant on Johnny. She came from a rough background and had a brother skilled in combat training although when I wrote it I didn't know about Sean yet he popped up later.
When I write the story takes on a life it grows on it's own I'm just there to write it down. I wanted to be accurate or as accurate as I could be. I think writers should write what they know and research what they don't. Like how many rounds each magazine holds. And what the terms your using mean. The passion of the story is from my own desires and dreams. I miss the military and the lifestyle.
So when these intimate scenes occur between her and Johnny I guess it's my desires that are defined by things that I would do and say to the man I love. Touching the way I would touch him and hearing what I'd want him to say. I didn't want sex in the story. I wanted to create two things. One is that it was something so raw and passionate between these two damaged lovers that it was personal and second the best way to show your passion to others is to make them use their imagination. It's not a porn story it's a passionate love story I'm not hear to improve ppls sex lives
All of the metaphors they use are mine as far as I know I mean I could be wrong. I do believe that when you meet the love of your life you'll see it in their eyes. That you'll feel that connection immediately even if you don't know what it is at the time. I strongly believe that every scar you have makes you who you are. If you didn't go through what you did in life you'd be someone else and not the one I love so every scar either physical or emotion shaped your heart and soul!
I use the words "wrapped me in his arms" and "held me close" and things like that a lot because that's what I want I want a man who will hold me until the pain goes away who's embrace alone can cure me.
When Sean is first introduced I had no clue where he was going in the story. The fact that he's the brother and the best friend happened on its own but turned out for the best. I had to develop the background with her and Sean and there's no better way to show a violent life then with a drunken father a big brother and an abused little sister. It's cliche but suited its purpose.
Sean's torn he's glad they have each other but a bit jealous too cause he's alone now. He brought them together (which we see at the end) and knows it was the best thing to do but he feels obsolete now. Until he breaks down and sees it was his fault all along.
Johnny and her never really fight they have moments. I think that's because they've both seen enough fighting in their lives and they just want to enjoy each other. They make sacrifices even little ones to make each other happy. After all the little sacrifices are the ones that matter right?
At the end when they head to the house Sean knows that if it comes down to him or Johnny dying its gonna be him. That's why he places her with Johnny he'd be pre occupied with her safety and not be able to stop it if it happened. That's why he lies to her and said Johnny saved his life when really he saved Johnny.
The fight between them after Sean dies is short lived its just tension and guilt and Johnny finally realizing that it's not always his fault. He then comforts her cause its not her who made him feel that way.
Back at the cabin I tried to make it like Johnny was just trying to get her through the night. I came up with him calling the captain when I couldn't think of a realistic way for them to run that's when I realized the story was over. When they go to bed knowing that the running is over but Johnny's gonna go to jail he wants her to know what a hero her brother really was for saving his life years ago. That's when they realize that Sean planned it all he wanted them to meet and fall in love. He knew that he was all Johnny had and he was all his sister had and that he wasn't always going to be there. It ends with them falling asleep in each others arms ready to start their new life together.
The last scene so to speak is whenever Johnny had gotten out of jail and they have their little boy named Sean of course. It ends with the boys eyes the way the whole thing started when they first looked into each others eyes.
Hope you enjoyed it I'm actually sad it's over. I feel so alive right now writing again is amazing.
JS part 11
Last scene is me and Johnny unknown amount of time later. Sitting at the table on opposite sides facing a high chair that's back is to the screen. Focus in on the cake and candle it says "happy 1st birthday Sean" then turns and focuses on the baby's blue eyes.
JS part 10
I walked inside and dropped onto the couch. I sat there and looked through the room. Everywhere I turned I saw Sean. We had been coming here since we were kids. So many memories. I felt numb and I couldn't move. Johnny was bringing the rest of the gear in from the car. Neither of us had said a word the whole way back. My eyes were puffy and my head pounded. Johnny looked numb. He hadn't shed a tear since the house and he probably wouldn't again over Sean. That's the way he was he'd hide his emotions and bury them, that's where he got his passion from sadly.
He walked in from the kitchen and sat a plate in front of me "eat this baby sorry but pizzas all there is." He chuckled slightly and sat on the couch beside me. Sean always had pizza in the fridge. I picked at the piece on my plate but barely ate it. "What do we do next. Do we have to run again? Are we going to jail?" He took my hand as I turned to look at him. " no we aren't running anymore. You deserve a better life. I'm gonna call my old Capt. and turn myself in. Maybe they can make a case for self defence and I'll be out in a few years, who knows. But you'll have a normal life" I sat legs crossed on the couch and faced him "Johnny how would life be normal if the man I love is in jail? This isn't right I don't want to run but I'd rather run with you, than stay here without you!" He played with my fingers and when he looked up his eyes were so soft "if I can get a deal I'll be gone five years tops, that's nothing compared to the rest of our lives together. This is the best way to go. I want to have a life and a family with you. I don't want to have to run and hide all the time. I'm calling him now. Don't worry baby it's gonna be fine!" I gave in, I was all cried out. I trusted Johnny and I nodded my head. He got up and took the phone out on the deck.
I sat silent trying to hear what was being said, but I couldn't hear anything. I was terrified of losing him, but I knew he was right. He came back inside a half hour layer and he seemed almost hopeful. "What did he say Johnny?" He sat in the chair across from me "he said they had been trying to raid that house for months. He said normally there was alot more ppl there and we were lucky enough to have gone on a night when just the bosses, and their personal body guards were home. I'd wondered why it was so empty." I felt my face flush "so what does that mean are they going to take it easy on you?" He smirked "best if all it means that there's no one left to come after us! I don't really know about the rest. I have to turn myself in tomorrow, he's gonna do what he can. I told him about last year and why we ran. He wants to help. I also told him about Sean being in the house" he sighed deeply. "Ok so tomorrow we go into his office and then what?" "He'll have to arrest me and we will both be questioned. As far as they are concerned you were dragged into police business. I was never fired so as far as anyone knows I was on extended leave" I couldn't help but smile. He looked at me "I told you it's gonna be ok. A bit of time in jail will do me some good" I stood up and took my plate to the sink. He came behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Just wait, before you know it I'll be back home and we can plan the next step for our lives." "Ok I believe you. Five years I can do that. And I can visit you and write to you all the time" he nuzzled my neck "and send me sexy pictures so I'm not lonely at night" he smirked. I shoved him back as he laughed at me. In my heart I could hear Sean "to much info guys" and then it passed.
We climbed the stairs to the guest room and undressed in the dark. All I wanted was for him to lay beside me while I slept. We climbed into bed and laid facing each other, his body loomed over mine as we laid as close as we could without touching. I traced the scars on his chest with my fingertip and kissed each one. He gulped and looked at me in the dark. I've never told you how I got those did I." I shifted under his gaze "no you didn't." He gave me a sly look "Sean told you didn't he, when I was out in the car. That's what he wanted to talk to you about!" I smiled "ya he said he knew that you would die for me because you got those saving his life" Johnny jumped "he told you that? Son of a bitch. Babe I didn't get these saving him. He saved me. We were under heavy fire I was hit real bad. Sean grabbed me and pulled me into an alley just as a frag went if in the street, he shielded me with his body" I was shocked I didn't know what to say. "Why would he do that, why'd he lie up me?" He looked over my head "So you'd stay with me. He didn't want you going after him in that house, he knew he wasn't gonna make it back." His voice was shaking "he did this on purpose, he never had any intention of getting out" his words stopped me dead. I had no idea what to say. "The night we met when you came here, Sean didn't tell me you were coming. I was surprised cause he normally doesn't have me here through the week. He planned it all Johnny. He knew he wasn't always gonna be there for us" he cut me off "and he knew that I'd love you, as soon as I looked into your eyes" he softly kissed me and we fell asleep in each others arms.
He walked in from the kitchen and sat a plate in front of me "eat this baby sorry but pizzas all there is." He chuckled slightly and sat on the couch beside me. Sean always had pizza in the fridge. I picked at the piece on my plate but barely ate it. "What do we do next. Do we have to run again? Are we going to jail?" He took my hand as I turned to look at him. " no we aren't running anymore. You deserve a better life. I'm gonna call my old Capt. and turn myself in. Maybe they can make a case for self defence and I'll be out in a few years, who knows. But you'll have a normal life" I sat legs crossed on the couch and faced him "Johnny how would life be normal if the man I love is in jail? This isn't right I don't want to run but I'd rather run with you, than stay here without you!" He played with my fingers and when he looked up his eyes were so soft "if I can get a deal I'll be gone five years tops, that's nothing compared to the rest of our lives together. This is the best way to go. I want to have a life and a family with you. I don't want to have to run and hide all the time. I'm calling him now. Don't worry baby it's gonna be fine!" I gave in, I was all cried out. I trusted Johnny and I nodded my head. He got up and took the phone out on the deck.
I sat silent trying to hear what was being said, but I couldn't hear anything. I was terrified of losing him, but I knew he was right. He came back inside a half hour layer and he seemed almost hopeful. "What did he say Johnny?" He sat in the chair across from me "he said they had been trying to raid that house for months. He said normally there was alot more ppl there and we were lucky enough to have gone on a night when just the bosses, and their personal body guards were home. I'd wondered why it was so empty." I felt my face flush "so what does that mean are they going to take it easy on you?" He smirked "best if all it means that there's no one left to come after us! I don't really know about the rest. I have to turn myself in tomorrow, he's gonna do what he can. I told him about last year and why we ran. He wants to help. I also told him about Sean being in the house" he sighed deeply. "Ok so tomorrow we go into his office and then what?" "He'll have to arrest me and we will both be questioned. As far as they are concerned you were dragged into police business. I was never fired so as far as anyone knows I was on extended leave" I couldn't help but smile. He looked at me "I told you it's gonna be ok. A bit of time in jail will do me some good" I stood up and took my plate to the sink. He came behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Just wait, before you know it I'll be back home and we can plan the next step for our lives." "Ok I believe you. Five years I can do that. And I can visit you and write to you all the time" he nuzzled my neck "and send me sexy pictures so I'm not lonely at night" he smirked. I shoved him back as he laughed at me. In my heart I could hear Sean "to much info guys" and then it passed.
We climbed the stairs to the guest room and undressed in the dark. All I wanted was for him to lay beside me while I slept. We climbed into bed and laid facing each other, his body loomed over mine as we laid as close as we could without touching. I traced the scars on his chest with my fingertip and kissed each one. He gulped and looked at me in the dark. I've never told you how I got those did I." I shifted under his gaze "no you didn't." He gave me a sly look "Sean told you didn't he, when I was out in the car. That's what he wanted to talk to you about!" I smiled "ya he said he knew that you would die for me because you got those saving his life" Johnny jumped "he told you that? Son of a bitch. Babe I didn't get these saving him. He saved me. We were under heavy fire I was hit real bad. Sean grabbed me and pulled me into an alley just as a frag went if in the street, he shielded me with his body" I was shocked I didn't know what to say. "Why would he do that, why'd he lie up me?" He looked over my head "So you'd stay with me. He didn't want you going after him in that house, he knew he wasn't gonna make it back." His voice was shaking "he did this on purpose, he never had any intention of getting out" his words stopped me dead. I had no idea what to say. "The night we met when you came here, Sean didn't tell me you were coming. I was surprised cause he normally doesn't have me here through the week. He planned it all Johnny. He knew he wasn't always gonna be there for us" he cut me off "and he knew that I'd love you, as soon as I looked into your eyes" he softly kissed me and we fell asleep in each others arms.
JS part 9
Johnny drove and Sean made sure everything was set. He was loading their weapons and making sure they didn't miss anything. I leaned back in the seat and tried to relax. Johnny kept looking at me in the rear view mirror I knew he was scared for me. I nodded my head to let him know I was fine, he smiled back a bit more calm.
We drove for a while, it was nice listening to Sean and Johnny talking together. I knew they were tight, and they loved each other like brothers. It warmed my heart to see it.
The house was more like an estate, it was huge and secluded which was good for us. We pulled up out front and the boys got out. I climbed out of the backseat and stood up, I shouldered the AR and waited. We walked slowly, staying in the shadows I couldn't even hear the boys around me, but I knew they were there. We approached a wall surrounding the house, they checked for cameras. Of course there were none. No evidence on this place. In the distance we could here barking. the guys looked at each other and shrugged. Johnny signalled that they should go over the wall there, Sean nodded. Johnny pulled himself up on top and Sean shoved me up to him, he took hold of me and motioned for me to stay low. Sean climbed up and we dropped to the ground. Sean motioned for us to go one way and he went the other. As we walked Johnny reached for his blade and unsnapped the sheath. We edged along slowly toward the house. Suddenly Johnny stopped and motioned for me to crouch down. I did as he said, he signalled for me to stay there and he disappeared into the dark. I heard a low growl, I slowly turned my head to see a huge Rottweiler looming behind me. Before I had time to react Johnny was on him, he wrapped his hand around the dogs muzzle and held him down. He had his knife to the dogs throat, but changed his mind and pistol whipped it with his Beretta instead, knocking it out. He stood up and took my hand. In the distance I heard a squeal. The dog my brother encountered hadn't been so lucky. Johnny shook his head and we moved forward.
We came toward the wall at the back of the house. Johnny could see there were three guards. He stood tall and raised his arm sending the msg to Sean. I couldn't see him but I know Johnny knew where he was. He put his finger to my mouth for me to be quiet and slipped around the corner, seconds later he was back dragging the guards dead body with him. I saw movement from the left as Sean added his kill. The last guard was in front of the door. Sean slid behind him and and wrapped his arm around his neck using his body as a shield as he swung the door open. There were four armed guards in the hallway and they opened fire. Sean covered his body with the now dead guard then he threw the man aside and ducked into the doorway on his right. He opened fire and covered us as we moved into the left and ducked behind the wall in the foyer. Johnny and Sean shot it out with the last three guards and then we moved.
Johnny took point and I stayed back behind Sean. He gave the all clear and we continued on. Johnny swept and cleared all the rooms to the left and Sean the ones to the right while I covered the hallway. Room by room we went. I knew what was waiting, that we were going to eventually find an army behind one of these walls. Sean rounded the next corner and shots tore open the wall behind him. Johnny slammed me to the ground and kneeled in front of me as we joined the fight. Sean pushed forward covering his body with what ever he could find. Johnny motioned for me crouch along the left wall. I approached the end and dropped to my knee. Five men were squatted behind the furniture in the room. I opened fire and and dropped the guy by the fireplace. The room opened up in a hail of bullets. I was on my stomach. I shot the next guy through the couch he was behind, and Johnny dropped the the two in the back. Sean was up, he rushed into the room. The guy behind the cabinet in the corner raised his rifle, but he was too late Sean took him down.
There was a split in the hall. Sean went right while we took the left. I watched my brother as he disappeared around the corner. Johnny put his hand on my shoulder and we walked down the hall. We came full circle after finding nothing, but we didn't see Sean. "We'll go the way he did" Johnny whispered I nodded and we walked to the next hall. There was a flight of stairs so we descended them, and that's when we heard the scuffle. We entered a giant dining room, all the furniture was tipped over. Sean was at the far end fighting a guy twice his size. He was covered in blood but wouldn't stop fighting. Johnny drew his beretta and started to cross the room. I screamed as someone rammed a gun into my neck and Johnny stopped dead in his tracks. Sean froze when he heard me and the guy attacking him threw him down and put a knife to his throat. Johnny was in the middle. He looked lost, not knowing what to do first. I cried out as the guy holding me wrenched my head back. Sean yelled out "Johnny it's your job now!" Johnny had seen that look before he yelled out to Sean, something I couldn't hear and lunged for me. He knocked the guy holding me on his ass and shoved me out the door. An explosion shook the house. He covered my body with his. When the dust settled he sat up and pulled me to my knees " is it over?" I looked at him with hope in my eyes "ya baby it's over, their all dead" I was confused he looked devastated "Johnny c'mon, we did it lets go home!" I looked around and realized we were alone. "Where's Sean?" He looked at me and pulled me to my feet. "He's gone baby." I stepped back. "What do you mean he's gone. Go get him!" He stared at me and grabbed my arms "no I mean he's gone. That was his frag that just went off, he did this for us. To keep us safe" my head was spinning I couldn't think straight. I turned and ran into the room. Johnny grabbed my arm but I shook him off. "Sean! Sean where are you! " I saw him lying in the back of the room and ran to him "Sean it's ok you're going to be ok" Johnny came over and we pulled him out of the rubble. He was covered in blood and barely conscious. He reached out to Johnny and he took his hand. "It's all on you brother. You keep her safe. Promise me you won't ever leave her alone" Johnny fought back tears and swore he'd never let me go. Sean nodded and turned toward me. "My baby sister. Where's that sweet smile?" I looked at him and forced a smile. "There ya go, don't cry darlin, you're safe. You stick with him. He loves you, he's gonna be your protector now" He put his hand on the side of my face. I watched his eyes close for the last time. I screamed and shook him, this couldn't be happening! Johnny came around and put his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off "don't fucking touch me. This is all your fault! You just had to come back here and finish the job, you couldn't just leave with me and now my brothers dead!" He reeled backwards in shock "baby I'm sorry I did what I had to. Sean did to he knew this was the only way to keep you safe please baby..." The tears streamed down my cheeks I felt cold "no you and your bullshit johnny thats what did this" he dropped his head and when looked up his face was cold. I shivered at the sight "I didn't kill him. I was trying to save you! Do you think I wanted this? He was my best friend!" I choked on his words, I grabbed hold of Sean and pulled him into my arms. I wiped the blood from his face. I don't know how long I sat there crying over him my tears running downs his cheeks.
I felt johnny behind me but I couldn't look up. He sat down and pulled me and Sean's body into him. I could feel his tears on my neck. He pulled us close and wrapped his arms around us both. "He's gone Johnny" he nodded "baby we have to go" I couldn't leave Sean. He pulled me to my feet and dragged me out the door. We ran back through the house and across the grounds. He forced me up over the wall and we ran to the car. I sat motionless and quiet watching the road slip by.
We drove for a while, it was nice listening to Sean and Johnny talking together. I knew they were tight, and they loved each other like brothers. It warmed my heart to see it.
The house was more like an estate, it was huge and secluded which was good for us. We pulled up out front and the boys got out. I climbed out of the backseat and stood up, I shouldered the AR and waited. We walked slowly, staying in the shadows I couldn't even hear the boys around me, but I knew they were there. We approached a wall surrounding the house, they checked for cameras. Of course there were none. No evidence on this place. In the distance we could here barking. the guys looked at each other and shrugged. Johnny signalled that they should go over the wall there, Sean nodded. Johnny pulled himself up on top and Sean shoved me up to him, he took hold of me and motioned for me to stay low. Sean climbed up and we dropped to the ground. Sean motioned for us to go one way and he went the other. As we walked Johnny reached for his blade and unsnapped the sheath. We edged along slowly toward the house. Suddenly Johnny stopped and motioned for me to crouch down. I did as he said, he signalled for me to stay there and he disappeared into the dark. I heard a low growl, I slowly turned my head to see a huge Rottweiler looming behind me. Before I had time to react Johnny was on him, he wrapped his hand around the dogs muzzle and held him down. He had his knife to the dogs throat, but changed his mind and pistol whipped it with his Beretta instead, knocking it out. He stood up and took my hand. In the distance I heard a squeal. The dog my brother encountered hadn't been so lucky. Johnny shook his head and we moved forward.
We came toward the wall at the back of the house. Johnny could see there were three guards. He stood tall and raised his arm sending the msg to Sean. I couldn't see him but I know Johnny knew where he was. He put his finger to my mouth for me to be quiet and slipped around the corner, seconds later he was back dragging the guards dead body with him. I saw movement from the left as Sean added his kill. The last guard was in front of the door. Sean slid behind him and and wrapped his arm around his neck using his body as a shield as he swung the door open. There were four armed guards in the hallway and they opened fire. Sean covered his body with the now dead guard then he threw the man aside and ducked into the doorway on his right. He opened fire and covered us as we moved into the left and ducked behind the wall in the foyer. Johnny and Sean shot it out with the last three guards and then we moved.
Johnny took point and I stayed back behind Sean. He gave the all clear and we continued on. Johnny swept and cleared all the rooms to the left and Sean the ones to the right while I covered the hallway. Room by room we went. I knew what was waiting, that we were going to eventually find an army behind one of these walls. Sean rounded the next corner and shots tore open the wall behind him. Johnny slammed me to the ground and kneeled in front of me as we joined the fight. Sean pushed forward covering his body with what ever he could find. Johnny motioned for me crouch along the left wall. I approached the end and dropped to my knee. Five men were squatted behind the furniture in the room. I opened fire and and dropped the guy by the fireplace. The room opened up in a hail of bullets. I was on my stomach. I shot the next guy through the couch he was behind, and Johnny dropped the the two in the back. Sean was up, he rushed into the room. The guy behind the cabinet in the corner raised his rifle, but he was too late Sean took him down.
There was a split in the hall. Sean went right while we took the left. I watched my brother as he disappeared around the corner. Johnny put his hand on my shoulder and we walked down the hall. We came full circle after finding nothing, but we didn't see Sean. "We'll go the way he did" Johnny whispered I nodded and we walked to the next hall. There was a flight of stairs so we descended them, and that's when we heard the scuffle. We entered a giant dining room, all the furniture was tipped over. Sean was at the far end fighting a guy twice his size. He was covered in blood but wouldn't stop fighting. Johnny drew his beretta and started to cross the room. I screamed as someone rammed a gun into my neck and Johnny stopped dead in his tracks. Sean froze when he heard me and the guy attacking him threw him down and put a knife to his throat. Johnny was in the middle. He looked lost, not knowing what to do first. I cried out as the guy holding me wrenched my head back. Sean yelled out "Johnny it's your job now!" Johnny had seen that look before he yelled out to Sean, something I couldn't hear and lunged for me. He knocked the guy holding me on his ass and shoved me out the door. An explosion shook the house. He covered my body with his. When the dust settled he sat up and pulled me to my knees " is it over?" I looked at him with hope in my eyes "ya baby it's over, their all dead" I was confused he looked devastated "Johnny c'mon, we did it lets go home!" I looked around and realized we were alone. "Where's Sean?" He looked at me and pulled me to my feet. "He's gone baby." I stepped back. "What do you mean he's gone. Go get him!" He stared at me and grabbed my arms "no I mean he's gone. That was his frag that just went off, he did this for us. To keep us safe" my head was spinning I couldn't think straight. I turned and ran into the room. Johnny grabbed my arm but I shook him off. "Sean! Sean where are you! " I saw him lying in the back of the room and ran to him "Sean it's ok you're going to be ok" Johnny came over and we pulled him out of the rubble. He was covered in blood and barely conscious. He reached out to Johnny and he took his hand. "It's all on you brother. You keep her safe. Promise me you won't ever leave her alone" Johnny fought back tears and swore he'd never let me go. Sean nodded and turned toward me. "My baby sister. Where's that sweet smile?" I looked at him and forced a smile. "There ya go, don't cry darlin, you're safe. You stick with him. He loves you, he's gonna be your protector now" He put his hand on the side of my face. I watched his eyes close for the last time. I screamed and shook him, this couldn't be happening! Johnny came around and put his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off "don't fucking touch me. This is all your fault! You just had to come back here and finish the job, you couldn't just leave with me and now my brothers dead!" He reeled backwards in shock "baby I'm sorry I did what I had to. Sean did to he knew this was the only way to keep you safe please baby..." The tears streamed down my cheeks I felt cold "no you and your bullshit johnny thats what did this" he dropped his head and when looked up his face was cold. I shivered at the sight "I didn't kill him. I was trying to save you! Do you think I wanted this? He was my best friend!" I choked on his words, I grabbed hold of Sean and pulled him into my arms. I wiped the blood from his face. I don't know how long I sat there crying over him my tears running downs his cheeks.
I felt johnny behind me but I couldn't look up. He sat down and pulled me and Sean's body into him. I could feel his tears on my neck. He pulled us close and wrapped his arms around us both. "He's gone Johnny" he nodded "baby we have to go" I couldn't leave Sean. He pulled me to my feet and dragged me out the door. We ran back through the house and across the grounds. He forced me up over the wall and we ran to the car. I sat motionless and quiet watching the road slip by.
Friday, 12 April 2013
JS part 8
He arched his back in pleasure and collapsed on my chest, kissing my body. He laid their quiet caressing my arms and catching his breath. I ran my fingers up and down his back not wanting him to move. I wanted to lay there like that with him forever. "Baby you are amazing" I smirked at him and took the compliment. He went to roll off of me but I stopped him. I wasn't ready for the world to start turning again. "Not yet I..." I couldn't finish what I wanted to say. He leaned on the bed and kissed my nose. "You what?" He asked concerned. "I'm afraid, what if this is the last time I can hold you or make love to you. What if something happens and this is all we have?" He looked in my eyes and brushed the hair from my face "Listen to me. Nothing is going to happen, you said it yourself yesterday. You and me and Sean are going to make it so you never have to loose me. And when this is all over I'll take you away from here, to any country in the world that you want me to make love to you in ok? I promise you that" he smiled that amazing grin and kissed me "now come over here and keep me warm beautiful" I rolled into his arms smiling, kissed his chest and drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up I was alone. Johnny was no doubt downstairs with Sean. I stretched my body and shook off the sleep. I was warm again and feeling better. I went into the bathroom and showered. When I came out there were new clothes on the bed for me and boots on the floor. I smiled and shook my head. Once I was dressed I went downstairs to find something to eat. The boys were out back on the deck looking over papers and cleaning the weapons. I opened the fridge and of course there was an abundance of pizza. I didn't drink but I really wanted a beer. I opened the patio door "hey Sean where's the beer?" Johnny looked up "Beer eh! Since when?" I shot him a look."Sean what's up you always have beer in the house!" Sean sat on the bench and looked at me straight in he eye "I haven't had a drink since you left a year ago" he turned and looked at Johnny "it wasn't you" Johnny looked confused "it wasn't me what?" Sean took a deep breath "it wasn't you that couldn't keep her safe, it was me. All my life I kept my little sister safe, protected her from everyone and that night I didn't, because I was too fucking drunk to answer the god damn phone and I almost lost her." He stopped he was choking back the tears "you, Johnny, you saved her life, you were her hero! I guess I needed someone to blame I couldn't admit what I'd done" Johnny stood up and walked around the table. He got down on his knees in front of Sean "I never wanted to take her from you Sean. She's your sister, your flesh and blood, that's more than I have in this world I'd give anything for family. " Sean looked down at him and put both hands on his shoulders "you do have a family, you have me, I'm your brother. You will never be alone Johnny. you have two ppl who love you, you don't have to go through it alone anymore." I slowly walked over and sat beside Sean. Johnny wrapped his arms around my legs and laid his head I my lap. I kissed his cheek and Sean slapped him on the back. "Now lets do this shit, so you can make my sister happy for the rest of her life"
Johnny looked up at me, I whispered "I told you" he nodded and slowly stood up. I went into the kitchen and grabbed some pizza and a bottle of pop and went back outside. The air was cooling off in he late afternoon "baby you should go inside and stay warm after last night." I nodded and headed back inside leaving them to finish up and bring everything in. Sean came towards me with his AR in his hands. "I know it's been a while since you've shot so I'm gonna go through this with you again" I chuckled "Sean I'm not 13. You don't have to worry I did just fine the other day..." I stopped myself to late. Johnny stopped cold in his tracks "why what happened?" Sean scowled. "Sean now relax its fine no one got hurt" he spun around and stared at Johnny "pardon?" We sat him down and told him what had happened. He sat quiet with his head down. I waited for the anger, but Sean lifted his head and smiled at me. "My baby sister! All these years I had no idea you had that in you!" I beamed back at him, it was exhilarating to see the pride in his eyes "you're just like me" Johnny sighed and got up releived.
They packed up the car and came back inside to let me know what the plan was. They wanted me to stay with the car. I told them to forget it "if you leave me outside I'll just follow after you and then I'll be alone. " they looked at each other and looked back at me "fine then you stay with Johnny." We both looked surprised. "It's his job to protect you now" he kissed my cheek. "If Johnny says get down you fuckin listen and do exactly what he says you got me?" I nodded "ya I got you" we read through the floor plans, and they told me what to expect, we got ready. Johnny helped me with my vest and Sean loaded the Browning and I tucked it in my side. When we were ready Sean came over to me when Johnny was outside "I want you to know something, you were always the one positive thing in my life. My baby sister with the beautiful smile. You stay with Johnny, no matter what happens tonight do you hear me? Don't come looking for me. " I nodded and promised. "I have to tell you something else.. When Johnny and I were in the sandbox he saved my life. We were under heavy fire and and I was shot up pretty bad. He grabbed me and dragged me around the side of a building right before a frag went off, he was thrown backward over me taking shrapnel to his chest!" I looked up "that's where he got those scars?" Sean nodded, "he'd die for you. Stay close to him and you'll be fine. I love you little sis". I reached out and hugged my brother as tight as I could. In the back of my head I wondered what was going to happen. "Ok let's do this shit." He led me out the door to the car where Johnny was waiting. He took me around the waist and sat me on the hood, standing between my legs. "You know how much I love you right?" I smiled "yes I do and I love you just as much if not more" "not possible babe" he smiled "when we get there you stay right with me, got it? Just follow my signals and don't fire til I do. Everyone in there is a target so don't hold back." He took eight mags out of the front seat and stuck them in my vest "you have 29 rounds per clip for the AR here" he tapped the right side of my waist, "and 17 rounds per clip for the Browning here" he tapped the left side "keep track, when your dry drop that mag as fast as you can and slam a new one in don't forget to hit the forward assist on the AR" I nodded trying to remember it all "shoot from cover only. If we have to move crawl. If you get pinned down stay there and yell for me I'll come get you, always!" I looked up into his eyes, he looked back at me with total confidence "you can do this baby, it'll all be over soon" i forced a smile "I got this" he smiled "that's my girl" he leaned in and kissed me long and hard then he lifted me down and we got in the car.
When I woke up I was alone. Johnny was no doubt downstairs with Sean. I stretched my body and shook off the sleep. I was warm again and feeling better. I went into the bathroom and showered. When I came out there were new clothes on the bed for me and boots on the floor. I smiled and shook my head. Once I was dressed I went downstairs to find something to eat. The boys were out back on the deck looking over papers and cleaning the weapons. I opened the fridge and of course there was an abundance of pizza. I didn't drink but I really wanted a beer. I opened the patio door "hey Sean where's the beer?" Johnny looked up "Beer eh! Since when?" I shot him a look."Sean what's up you always have beer in the house!" Sean sat on the bench and looked at me straight in he eye "I haven't had a drink since you left a year ago" he turned and looked at Johnny "it wasn't you" Johnny looked confused "it wasn't me what?" Sean took a deep breath "it wasn't you that couldn't keep her safe, it was me. All my life I kept my little sister safe, protected her from everyone and that night I didn't, because I was too fucking drunk to answer the god damn phone and I almost lost her." He stopped he was choking back the tears "you, Johnny, you saved her life, you were her hero! I guess I needed someone to blame I couldn't admit what I'd done" Johnny stood up and walked around the table. He got down on his knees in front of Sean "I never wanted to take her from you Sean. She's your sister, your flesh and blood, that's more than I have in this world I'd give anything for family. " Sean looked down at him and put both hands on his shoulders "you do have a family, you have me, I'm your brother. You will never be alone Johnny. you have two ppl who love you, you don't have to go through it alone anymore." I slowly walked over and sat beside Sean. Johnny wrapped his arms around my legs and laid his head I my lap. I kissed his cheek and Sean slapped him on the back. "Now lets do this shit, so you can make my sister happy for the rest of her life"
Johnny looked up at me, I whispered "I told you" he nodded and slowly stood up. I went into the kitchen and grabbed some pizza and a bottle of pop and went back outside. The air was cooling off in he late afternoon "baby you should go inside and stay warm after last night." I nodded and headed back inside leaving them to finish up and bring everything in. Sean came towards me with his AR in his hands. "I know it's been a while since you've shot so I'm gonna go through this with you again" I chuckled "Sean I'm not 13. You don't have to worry I did just fine the other day..." I stopped myself to late. Johnny stopped cold in his tracks "why what happened?" Sean scowled. "Sean now relax its fine no one got hurt" he spun around and stared at Johnny "pardon?" We sat him down and told him what had happened. He sat quiet with his head down. I waited for the anger, but Sean lifted his head and smiled at me. "My baby sister! All these years I had no idea you had that in you!" I beamed back at him, it was exhilarating to see the pride in his eyes "you're just like me" Johnny sighed and got up releived.
They packed up the car and came back inside to let me know what the plan was. They wanted me to stay with the car. I told them to forget it "if you leave me outside I'll just follow after you and then I'll be alone. " they looked at each other and looked back at me "fine then you stay with Johnny." We both looked surprised. "It's his job to protect you now" he kissed my cheek. "If Johnny says get down you fuckin listen and do exactly what he says you got me?" I nodded "ya I got you" we read through the floor plans, and they told me what to expect, we got ready. Johnny helped me with my vest and Sean loaded the Browning and I tucked it in my side. When we were ready Sean came over to me when Johnny was outside "I want you to know something, you were always the one positive thing in my life. My baby sister with the beautiful smile. You stay with Johnny, no matter what happens tonight do you hear me? Don't come looking for me. " I nodded and promised. "I have to tell you something else.. When Johnny and I were in the sandbox he saved my life. We were under heavy fire and and I was shot up pretty bad. He grabbed me and dragged me around the side of a building right before a frag went off, he was thrown backward over me taking shrapnel to his chest!" I looked up "that's where he got those scars?" Sean nodded, "he'd die for you. Stay close to him and you'll be fine. I love you little sis". I reached out and hugged my brother as tight as I could. In the back of my head I wondered what was going to happen. "Ok let's do this shit." He led me out the door to the car where Johnny was waiting. He took me around the waist and sat me on the hood, standing between my legs. "You know how much I love you right?" I smiled "yes I do and I love you just as much if not more" "not possible babe" he smiled "when we get there you stay right with me, got it? Just follow my signals and don't fire til I do. Everyone in there is a target so don't hold back." He took eight mags out of the front seat and stuck them in my vest "you have 29 rounds per clip for the AR here" he tapped the right side of my waist, "and 17 rounds per clip for the Browning here" he tapped the left side "keep track, when your dry drop that mag as fast as you can and slam a new one in don't forget to hit the forward assist on the AR" I nodded trying to remember it all "shoot from cover only. If we have to move crawl. If you get pinned down stay there and yell for me I'll come get you, always!" I looked up into his eyes, he looked back at me with total confidence "you can do this baby, it'll all be over soon" i forced a smile "I got this" he smiled "that's my girl" he leaned in and kissed me long and hard then he lifted me down and we got in the car.
JS part 7
I felt like a rag doll laying in his arms. He keep checking to make sure I was breathing. I could feel his lips on my neck. He barely moved, like he was afraid he'd break me. I was really, weak but I tried to sit up, Johnny stirred "are you ok? What's wrong?" I smiled "I'm fine just feeling like hammered shit" it was nice to see a smile cross his face. He stood up and took my arms so I could stand. I was dizzy, felt like I was gonna puke. I slid sideways against the wall, he grabbed me. "C'mon lets get out of here and see if your brothers here yet." We walked out of the washroom. We didn't take 5 steps when I heard a familiar voice "What the fuck happened?" Sean looked like he'd been panicked all night "I told you on he phone, the cops came and took the car, we spent the night in the woods" Johnny walked towards him, expecting Sean to embrace him and let him know their feud was over " no I mean what the hell did you do to my sister. I can't fucking believe this, can't you keep her safe?" Johnny stopped dead in his tracks shocked "I stumbled forward "Sean shut up! Johnny's always kept me safe!" Sean stared at me "oh really were you safe when you got stabbed last year, after being kidnapped by a bunch of gangbangers? And what happened this time you look like death!" Johnny stepped up beside me and steadied my body "Sean man it was fuckin cold, she fell asleep and went into shock there was nothing I could do. I saw what happened and grabbed her and brought her inside you know I never..." Sean cut him off, he grabbed his throat and threw him against the wall. I yelled for him to stop. I knew that Johnny wouldn't hurt Sean, he felt too guilty for that, but I've seen what Sean could do all my life and I was terrified. "Get your fuckin hands off me Sean you're wrong and you know it!" Johnny shoved Sean backward and threw him to the ground. Sean shook himself off and stood up. I'd had enough "are you guys done?" They stopped and turned to look at me. "Cause I'm fuckin hungry, and it's still cold out here so put em away guys this is stupid. It's not a competition of who can protect me for fuck sakes and Sean, Johnny did eveything last night that he could, it was just the way it went. I'm tired of not having the only two ppl I love together! You guys are like brothers, how can you act this way? Stop this shit and let's figure out what the fuck to do next" I stood there staring at them both,. Sean smiled and walked towards me. "I have to say you've definitely found your voice. So I know this son of a bitch has done something right!" I smirked and hugged him "ya wait til I tell what I did yesterday" Johnny jumped forward and stopped me "so lets get the hell out if here, and get you into some warm dryer clothes!" I glanced at him as he shook his head at me.
We both climbed into the backseat, Johnny wanted to stay close to me and, considering what happened the last time I was in the back seat, I didn't blame him. He stretched his legs onto the seat, I pushed him over "you didn't sleep all night come here. " I pulled him down into my lap and started playing with his hair. He resisted at first and then he slid one arm under my thigh and after rubbing my leg he drifted off. I talked to Sean about the last year. About that night and how Johnny hated himself. Sean decided that it didn't matter anymore, we were all together now and that's what mattered.
We pulled into the driveway of the cabin and climbed out. I went into the bathroom to change into one of Sean's shirts and joggers. I could hear them in the living room talking about what they were going to do. I peeked through the door and saw Johnny sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Sean sat beside him. My life was right again, I had them both. I walked out and stood in front of them. Sean looked at us both "you guys need sleep if we're gonna pull this off. I'll wake ya's in a while" we walked up the stairs to the guest room and climbed into bed.
It felt so good to lay down under the heavy blanket. I was still shivering from the night before. "Come here baby" Johnny was laying under the blanket in a pair of Sean's joggers with his arms open "I'm so cold still!" "It'll pass, body warmth helps you know" I laughed and moved into his body. I laid there on my side with his arm around me and my head on his shoulder. I loved Johnny's body. It was perfect his muscles were toned and his skin was bronzed, but every time we laid like this I could see every scar on his chest. He'd never really told me how he got them he never talked about it. I traced each scar with my finger tip and then kissed each one when I was done. He looked up at me a smiled "why do you do that?" "I can stop if you like" I smiled down at him "no not that, why do you kiss my scars?" I laid on his body and propped myself up on his chest "because I love you and they are a part of you, and because I know that every scar you have has made you the man that I love" his eyes softened as he stared at me "Johnny I love every part of you, your body, your mind, your passion. The way it feels when you touch me. How soft your mouth is when we kiss and your scars every last one!" He smiled softly " you know what I love baby" I smirked "what do you love?" he softly touched the side of my face " I love your determination, and the way you don't put up with my bull shit. I love your soft skin and the way it feels under my finger tips but what I love most is that when I look into your eyes I see you. All of you, your heart and soul, I see my future." I sighed and leaned towards him he took my face in both hands and stared into my eyes then he pulled me closer and softly kissed my lips. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed my body against him. He ran his fingers down my side and took off my shirt rolling me into my back. He looked at me longingly "one day I'm gonna make you my wife" I smiled and traced his lips with my finger "Johnny I will never leave you" he smiled and took me in his arms, we were lost to the world exploring each other like we had never done before.
We both climbed into the backseat, Johnny wanted to stay close to me and, considering what happened the last time I was in the back seat, I didn't blame him. He stretched his legs onto the seat, I pushed him over "you didn't sleep all night come here. " I pulled him down into my lap and started playing with his hair. He resisted at first and then he slid one arm under my thigh and after rubbing my leg he drifted off. I talked to Sean about the last year. About that night and how Johnny hated himself. Sean decided that it didn't matter anymore, we were all together now and that's what mattered.
We pulled into the driveway of the cabin and climbed out. I went into the bathroom to change into one of Sean's shirts and joggers. I could hear them in the living room talking about what they were going to do. I peeked through the door and saw Johnny sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Sean sat beside him. My life was right again, I had them both. I walked out and stood in front of them. Sean looked at us both "you guys need sleep if we're gonna pull this off. I'll wake ya's in a while" we walked up the stairs to the guest room and climbed into bed.
It felt so good to lay down under the heavy blanket. I was still shivering from the night before. "Come here baby" Johnny was laying under the blanket in a pair of Sean's joggers with his arms open "I'm so cold still!" "It'll pass, body warmth helps you know" I laughed and moved into his body. I laid there on my side with his arm around me and my head on his shoulder. I loved Johnny's body. It was perfect his muscles were toned and his skin was bronzed, but every time we laid like this I could see every scar on his chest. He'd never really told me how he got them he never talked about it. I traced each scar with my finger tip and then kissed each one when I was done. He looked up at me a smiled "why do you do that?" "I can stop if you like" I smiled down at him "no not that, why do you kiss my scars?" I laid on his body and propped myself up on his chest "because I love you and they are a part of you, and because I know that every scar you have has made you the man that I love" his eyes softened as he stared at me "Johnny I love every part of you, your body, your mind, your passion. The way it feels when you touch me. How soft your mouth is when we kiss and your scars every last one!" He smiled softly " you know what I love baby" I smirked "what do you love?" he softly touched the side of my face " I love your determination, and the way you don't put up with my bull shit. I love your soft skin and the way it feels under my finger tips but what I love most is that when I look into your eyes I see you. All of you, your heart and soul, I see my future." I sighed and leaned towards him he took my face in both hands and stared into my eyes then he pulled me closer and softly kissed my lips. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed my body against him. He ran his fingers down my side and took off my shirt rolling me into my back. He looked at me longingly "one day I'm gonna make you my wife" I smiled and traced his lips with my finger "Johnny I will never leave you" he smiled and took me in his arms, we were lost to the world exploring each other like we had never done before.
All Alone
Lost and neglected alone in the dark, always been on my own had to make it. Strong in body, strong in my mind, weak in my heart.
What did I do to deserve this all alone in life left to fight this war alone. So tired of the heartache why'd they let me go.
I tried for so long to be what they want but I couldn't I had to follow my soul. Why couldn't anyone see I couldn't change and betray myself, I walked away.
What did I do to deserve this all alone in life left to fight this war alone. So tired of the heartache why'd they let me go.
Hurt by the ones you depend on to show you how to love is there a way for me to fix this pain. I need to know my soul is good and love can be mine.
Why did they leave me all alone left to fight this war alone. My body's strong, my will is set my heart is weak and I'm alone
All alone. Save me show me love bring me back.
What did I do to deserve this all alone in life left to fight this war alone. So tired of the heartache why'd they let me go.
I tried for so long to be what they want but I couldn't I had to follow my soul. Why couldn't anyone see I couldn't change and betray myself, I walked away.
What did I do to deserve this all alone in life left to fight this war alone. So tired of the heartache why'd they let me go.
Hurt by the ones you depend on to show you how to love is there a way for me to fix this pain. I need to know my soul is good and love can be mine.
Why did they leave me all alone left to fight this war alone. My body's strong, my will is set my heart is weak and I'm alone
All alone. Save me show me love bring me back.
JS part 6
We were about two hours from Sean's cabin. I was making good time Johnny was awake but still drowsy. He leaned back in his seat and talked while I drove. It wasn't very often he talked about before so when he does I let him. He was telling me how when him and Sean were in the sandbox they weren't proud if the things they did but they had to do it. He told me how Sean and I were the closest thing to family he'd ever had. He wasn't making a lot of sense he was exhausted I reached over and tubbed his leg, it seemed to reassure him and he settle in and relaxed a bit. I knew he'd struggled over the last year with how we left things with Sean. I had to tell him "Johnny he was wrong" he looked up at me "what do you mean" I glanced at his tired face. " I mean Sean was wrong, you didn't let me down you came after me and you saved me Sean's the one who never came he didn't answer the phone cause he was to drunk to care and he almost lost me not you." Johnny sat up and shook his head "I promised Sean that I'd never let anything bad happen to you" I sighed and smiled "baby don't you get it? Sean lashed out at you because for the first time ever I didn't need him! And if I had needed him he wouldn't have been there! It's not you it's Sean and his damn pride!" I could see that he knew it was true but he still shook his head a laid back in his seat.
I decided to pull into truck stop to eat and use the bathroom. We got out of the car and stretched. It was cold and getting dark. Johnny could see I was shivering he came around the car and put his jacket on me and wrapped arms around me to keep me warm. "So what would you like from the menu m'am?" He smirked. "Hmm let's try something different and get a burger and fries" I laughed and buried my face in his chest. "Okay let's go my turn to cook!" He went in to get the food and I decided the bathroom was what I needed right now. When I came out I could see flashing lights in the parking lot. I froze I didn't know what to do. Were they here for Johnny? I started to back up when some one grabbed me I went to scream but he put his hand over my mouth "shhhh babe it's just me" I looked at him terrified "what's going on why are they around our car?" Johnny looked at me with that 'are you for real' face and said "well a car in a parking lot with a broken back window and bullet holes is pretty suspicious love" he laughed slightly "lets go" we went around the back of the building and into the woods at the side of the highway. "Don't worry chances are the police will think it's an abandon vehicle and tow it away." I looked at him concerned "so we're stuck here?" I shivered and moved closer to Johnny. "No we'll wait for dark and call your brother he can come get us. Come on we need to get in the tree line."
A while later, I'm not sure how long I was shaking uncontrollably in his arms I tried not too but couldn't stop. Johnny looked like he was in the sun. He held me between his legs and wrapped his body around me to keep me warm. "How are you not freezing?" I finally asked. He looked at me and smiled "mind over matter I hold my body still and tell my brain its not cold. If my brain doesn't think it's cold it's not!" I was envious "can you teach me?" He leaned into my neck and whispered "ok so concentrate on your chest breath deep and long. The slower your breath the slower your heart beats and it's easier to control" I started taking deep breaths as he breathed with me to show me what he meant. "Ok now close your eyes and and loosen up your body let the blood flow through your arms and legs and keep breathing deep. When your heart slows down and you relax your arms the blood will flow through your body and well story short make you warmer" I shifted slightly in his arms and let my body relax as he rubbed my arms and tried to cover my head with his neck. "Ok I'm relaxed" I said sarcastically "he grunted and said "it takes a bit to work just trust me. Relax your body and breath deep and slow!"Again he breathed with me to show me how. " ok now lean your body back into me. " I did as he said and after a few minutes it actually started to work I was feeling warmer "I still feel a bit cold Johnny" he held me tighter "it doesn't take the cold away it just makes your mind think it, did you're body stays cold but you don't feel it." I was amazed "did you learn this in the army?" He smiled "hell no. I learned this hunting without a cabin! Now relax and lay back" I did as he said and we spent the next god knows how long talking so I'd forget about the cold. I was getting tired so I leaned in closer to his chest to hear his heat beat. The soft slow pound lulled me to sleep while I listened to Johnny tell me one of his stories.
Johnny was yelling my name he kept saying "wake up! Don't sleep baby! Omg no!" I felt like I was dreaming everything was a haze and why the hell was he telling me to wake up I wasn't cold anymore! "WAKE UP NOW GET ON YOUR FEET!" He sounded desperate so I tried as hard as I could to get up! Johnny was pulling me up toward him. I let him drag me up. He put his arm around me and started walking toward the truck stop I was struggling trying to ask him what he was doing, but I couldn't talk. He picked me up and carried me to the outside washroom and laid me on the ground. He locked the door and started taking my clothes off. He took off his shirt and sat on the floor near the baseboard heater pulling my body with him. He pulled me into his lap "oh god baby please wake up I'm so sorry please be ok I need you to look at me!" I laid back in his arms I could feel how cold I was against his warmer chest, my head lulled and he looked at me 'babe open your eyes' I slowly opened them and looked into his face. He looked down at me " Im so sorry I left you there I had to go call Sean and you were so peaceful. I should have taken you with me!" I was so confused I'd only been asleep for a few minutes "Johnny I just closed my eyes for a minute" he looked me "babe you were asleep for hours! It's almost daylight. I had to wait to call Sean, it was busy here and I was on the phone with him a while" he looked down "to long. When I got back I thought you were sleeping" I looked at him confused ' I was sleeping' "no baby you were freezing your, your breathing was laboured I couldn't wake you up" he shook his head and looked away from me "Johnny it's ok I'm fine!" He leaned back against the corner of the wall not wanting to talk anymore "we can stay here until your warm again. Sean's on his way he should be here by dawn" he kissed my neck and put his head on my shoulder as I leaned my head back against his chest. "I love you Johnny" he turned to face me "I love you too"
I decided to pull into truck stop to eat and use the bathroom. We got out of the car and stretched. It was cold and getting dark. Johnny could see I was shivering he came around the car and put his jacket on me and wrapped arms around me to keep me warm. "So what would you like from the menu m'am?" He smirked. "Hmm let's try something different and get a burger and fries" I laughed and buried my face in his chest. "Okay let's go my turn to cook!" He went in to get the food and I decided the bathroom was what I needed right now. When I came out I could see flashing lights in the parking lot. I froze I didn't know what to do. Were they here for Johnny? I started to back up when some one grabbed me I went to scream but he put his hand over my mouth "shhhh babe it's just me" I looked at him terrified "what's going on why are they around our car?" Johnny looked at me with that 'are you for real' face and said "well a car in a parking lot with a broken back window and bullet holes is pretty suspicious love" he laughed slightly "lets go" we went around the back of the building and into the woods at the side of the highway. "Don't worry chances are the police will think it's an abandon vehicle and tow it away." I looked at him concerned "so we're stuck here?" I shivered and moved closer to Johnny. "No we'll wait for dark and call your brother he can come get us. Come on we need to get in the tree line."
A while later, I'm not sure how long I was shaking uncontrollably in his arms I tried not too but couldn't stop. Johnny looked like he was in the sun. He held me between his legs and wrapped his body around me to keep me warm. "How are you not freezing?" I finally asked. He looked at me and smiled "mind over matter I hold my body still and tell my brain its not cold. If my brain doesn't think it's cold it's not!" I was envious "can you teach me?" He leaned into my neck and whispered "ok so concentrate on your chest breath deep and long. The slower your breath the slower your heart beats and it's easier to control" I started taking deep breaths as he breathed with me to show me what he meant. "Ok now close your eyes and and loosen up your body let the blood flow through your arms and legs and keep breathing deep. When your heart slows down and you relax your arms the blood will flow through your body and well story short make you warmer" I shifted slightly in his arms and let my body relax as he rubbed my arms and tried to cover my head with his neck. "Ok I'm relaxed" I said sarcastically "he grunted and said "it takes a bit to work just trust me. Relax your body and breath deep and slow!"Again he breathed with me to show me how. " ok now lean your body back into me. " I did as he said and after a few minutes it actually started to work I was feeling warmer "I still feel a bit cold Johnny" he held me tighter "it doesn't take the cold away it just makes your mind think it, did you're body stays cold but you don't feel it." I was amazed "did you learn this in the army?" He smiled "hell no. I learned this hunting without a cabin! Now relax and lay back" I did as he said and we spent the next god knows how long talking so I'd forget about the cold. I was getting tired so I leaned in closer to his chest to hear his heat beat. The soft slow pound lulled me to sleep while I listened to Johnny tell me one of his stories.
Johnny was yelling my name he kept saying "wake up! Don't sleep baby! Omg no!" I felt like I was dreaming everything was a haze and why the hell was he telling me to wake up I wasn't cold anymore! "WAKE UP NOW GET ON YOUR FEET!" He sounded desperate so I tried as hard as I could to get up! Johnny was pulling me up toward him. I let him drag me up. He put his arm around me and started walking toward the truck stop I was struggling trying to ask him what he was doing, but I couldn't talk. He picked me up and carried me to the outside washroom and laid me on the ground. He locked the door and started taking my clothes off. He took off his shirt and sat on the floor near the baseboard heater pulling my body with him. He pulled me into his lap "oh god baby please wake up I'm so sorry please be ok I need you to look at me!" I laid back in his arms I could feel how cold I was against his warmer chest, my head lulled and he looked at me 'babe open your eyes' I slowly opened them and looked into his face. He looked down at me " Im so sorry I left you there I had to go call Sean and you were so peaceful. I should have taken you with me!" I was so confused I'd only been asleep for a few minutes "Johnny I just closed my eyes for a minute" he looked me "babe you were asleep for hours! It's almost daylight. I had to wait to call Sean, it was busy here and I was on the phone with him a while" he looked down "to long. When I got back I thought you were sleeping" I looked at him confused ' I was sleeping' "no baby you were freezing your, your breathing was laboured I couldn't wake you up" he shook his head and looked away from me "Johnny it's ok I'm fine!" He leaned back against the corner of the wall not wanting to talk anymore "we can stay here until your warm again. Sean's on his way he should be here by dawn" he kissed my neck and put his head on my shoulder as I leaned my head back against his chest. "I love you Johnny" he turned to face me "I love you too"
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Broken
Got a heart of gold but you'd never know it I'm not letting my walls go. You keep tryin to come inside give up now you don't want to know
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
You try to break me down you think I'm gonna cry you can't break through I'm to far gone you need to move on
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
I know you're there it's hard to stay away. Why'd you have to come around and bring these walls crashing beneath me don't let me fall
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
My heart can't take the pain but my soul is calling you it's what you have inside
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
You try to break me down you think I'm gonna cry you can't break through I'm to far gone you need to move on
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
I know you're there it's hard to stay away. Why'd you have to come around and bring these walls crashing beneath me don't let me fall
Broken down soul, fighting your eyes I don't want to see what you have inside
I'd rather stay frozen
My heart can't take the pain but my soul is calling you it's what you have inside
JS Part 5
As we drive down the highway all I could hear was his voice, telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was kind of sad. I mean why did it have to be this way? All this started cause he wanted to stop some jackass from selling drugs to kids. I wouldn't trade him for the world. I love him more than anything. I just wish we could have a normal life. I stared at his face as he drove, I could tell he was trying to think of a plan, it was only a matter of time before he said what I was dreading to hear. I saw his shoulders slump and knew he'd had only one idea. "We have to go back and finish this!" He turned and looked at me. I wasn't surprised I knew this was coming. "We'll then let's do this, cause I wanna get to where you spend the rest of your life adoring me" he smiled "baby I already do"
We stopped at a highway side diner and got gas Johnny used the pay phone and I went and got us food. When I came back he was leaned back on the hood of the car. He looked so perfect there, his muscles straining under his t-shirt, the sun shining down on him. To anyone passing by we looked like a normal couple on vacation. "Here I got you something to eat." He took the bag and started to devour the food, he looked like he hadn't eaten days. I bet the 3 days he spent away from me he barely had a thing. "So what happened what did Sean say?" He took another bite " he has no problem he's in. All we have to do is make it to his cabin. He's got everything there" I took a deep breath and ate my fries " are you sure you're ready for this baby? If you don't want to go then you can stay at the cabin. Me and Sean can take these fuckers!" I shook my head, as scared as I was there was no way I could sit in that cabin, not knowing what was happening! "I'm fine. Just need some time to process it all. I still can't believe what I did yesterday. Johnny is there something wrong with me for not being upset that I killed those men?" He stopped suddenly and looked up at me. I don't think he'd thought about my lack of remorse the day before. "No of course not. You did what you had to do, it was them or us!"
I took the leftovers and threw everything away, and climbed into the drivers seat. He looked at me and smirked "what are you doing?" I closed the door forcing him to get into the passenger side "you haven't slept in days, and you can't possibly keep this up. Don't worry I know the way to Sean's" he smiled and conceded leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. He was asleep in minutes.
Sean was Johnny's buddy from basic training and the biggest thing they had in common, beside their taste in music and their stubborn attitudes, was that they were both good at killing. During the war they saved more lives, and took out more operatives then anyone else. They were dangerous men, and I adored them both. I'd known Sean a lot longer then Johnny. He was all I had growing up, when our dad was drunk, Sean always pissed him off on purpose so he'd take his anger out on him instead of me. He had more than a few scars from protecting me. When we were old enough he enlisted and I went off to school. Neither of us went home again.
I'd heard Sean talk about Johnny on those rare occasions when he felt like talking about it. He loved Johnny like a brother. It took us almost a year to tell him we were in love, he was shocked cause we only met one night at Sean's. Johnny had been down on a rare pit stop through town, and I happened to be there when he did. That's all it took. Sean took some time to adjust but seemed happy until last year.
After I was kidnapped, and stabbed and Johnny and I ran out of the building, we went straight to Sean's cabin. Well he was there. When he heard what had happened he grabbed Johnny by the throat. I was screaming for him to stop but he wouldn't. He was yelling about how Johnny was supposed to protect me, and how I should stay with him where I'd be safe. Johnny fought back but didn't try hard he believed Sean was right. Sean grabbed the blade from Johnny's belt and held it to his throat. I lunged for him and threw him off balance, all three of us fell to the ground. Sean was shocked and hurt, a look of pain and sadness washed over his face. I told him that I love Johnny and he had no right to blame him. I asked him where the fuck he had been when Johnny called him for help. He had no answer cause he was drunk, just like our dad always was. I grabbed Johnny's arm, and we left. I never looked back, and as far as I know neither did Johnny. But here I was, driving to my brothers so he could protect me, like he always did. I glanced at Johnny and wondered what I would do if it came down to his life or Sean's. I shuddered at the thought as a tear rolled down my cheek.
We stopped at a highway side diner and got gas Johnny used the pay phone and I went and got us food. When I came back he was leaned back on the hood of the car. He looked so perfect there, his muscles straining under his t-shirt, the sun shining down on him. To anyone passing by we looked like a normal couple on vacation. "Here I got you something to eat." He took the bag and started to devour the food, he looked like he hadn't eaten days. I bet the 3 days he spent away from me he barely had a thing. "So what happened what did Sean say?" He took another bite " he has no problem he's in. All we have to do is make it to his cabin. He's got everything there" I took a deep breath and ate my fries " are you sure you're ready for this baby? If you don't want to go then you can stay at the cabin. Me and Sean can take these fuckers!" I shook my head, as scared as I was there was no way I could sit in that cabin, not knowing what was happening! "I'm fine. Just need some time to process it all. I still can't believe what I did yesterday. Johnny is there something wrong with me for not being upset that I killed those men?" He stopped suddenly and looked up at me. I don't think he'd thought about my lack of remorse the day before. "No of course not. You did what you had to do, it was them or us!"
I took the leftovers and threw everything away, and climbed into the drivers seat. He looked at me and smirked "what are you doing?" I closed the door forcing him to get into the passenger side "you haven't slept in days, and you can't possibly keep this up. Don't worry I know the way to Sean's" he smiled and conceded leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. He was asleep in minutes.
Sean was Johnny's buddy from basic training and the biggest thing they had in common, beside their taste in music and their stubborn attitudes, was that they were both good at killing. During the war they saved more lives, and took out more operatives then anyone else. They were dangerous men, and I adored them both. I'd known Sean a lot longer then Johnny. He was all I had growing up, when our dad was drunk, Sean always pissed him off on purpose so he'd take his anger out on him instead of me. He had more than a few scars from protecting me. When we were old enough he enlisted and I went off to school. Neither of us went home again.
I'd heard Sean talk about Johnny on those rare occasions when he felt like talking about it. He loved Johnny like a brother. It took us almost a year to tell him we were in love, he was shocked cause we only met one night at Sean's. Johnny had been down on a rare pit stop through town, and I happened to be there when he did. That's all it took. Sean took some time to adjust but seemed happy until last year.
After I was kidnapped, and stabbed and Johnny and I ran out of the building, we went straight to Sean's cabin. Well he was there. When he heard what had happened he grabbed Johnny by the throat. I was screaming for him to stop but he wouldn't. He was yelling about how Johnny was supposed to protect me, and how I should stay with him where I'd be safe. Johnny fought back but didn't try hard he believed Sean was right. Sean grabbed the blade from Johnny's belt and held it to his throat. I lunged for him and threw him off balance, all three of us fell to the ground. Sean was shocked and hurt, a look of pain and sadness washed over his face. I told him that I love Johnny and he had no right to blame him. I asked him where the fuck he had been when Johnny called him for help. He had no answer cause he was drunk, just like our dad always was. I grabbed Johnny's arm, and we left. I never looked back, and as far as I know neither did Johnny. But here I was, driving to my brothers so he could protect me, like he always did. I glanced at Johnny and wondered what I would do if it came down to his life or Sean's. I shuddered at the thought as a tear rolled down my cheek.
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Holdin Onto Air
You're out of reach I'm strainin my arms tryin to touch you... You can't see me your chasin dreams I'm left behind holdin onto air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name
How's your life. Are you happy now I'm drownin all alone can't go on you left me here with nothin holdin onto air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name
By the time you realize... What you left behind I'll be gone you'll look back and see that you're alone holdin onto to air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name but no ones there I'm long gone and you're holdin onto air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name
How's your life. Are you happy now I'm drownin all alone can't go on you left me here with nothin holdin onto air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name
By the time you realize... What you left behind I'll be gone you'll look back and see that you're alone holdin onto to air
So far gone you just kept goin never stopped to see if u was there I keep screamin out your name but no ones there I'm long gone and you're holdin onto air
JS Part 4
I opened my eyes still weak from the night before. He had never touched me like that before, he was always soft and gentle but last night he brought me to a new high. I never thought I could feel so needed. I let him have his way with me, let him completely satisfy my every need and then I fell asleep in his arms while he whispered how much he loved me.
I stretched my body, shaking off the stiffness from sleeping in the back seat. I pulled Johnny's jacket over me as I stepped out to get dressed. As I finished and stood up I looked around. Panic started to creep in, I couldn't see him anywhere. I know he'd never leave me so where is he. Then I glanced behind a group of bushes and saw him sitting on a large boulder staring at the ground. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him "morning baby" he smiled and kissed me "sleep well beautiful?" I smiled and lean back, stretching my head back smiling. "After last night I definitely slept peacefully" a look of satisfaction lit up Johnny's face and his eyes shined "well I'm glad I could help" he said with a smile. I shoved him back and climbed off his lap laughing. "What now Johnny? Where do we go next" he stared at the ground again "baby I really wish you'd let me take you somewhere safe" I shook my head "no I'm not leaving you. I told you last night we are gonna finish this together" he shrugged his shoulders and sighed "well then I guess I better teach you to drive better, cause next time they come I'll be the one sticking my neck out not you Hondo" he laughed out loud as I shoved him over. I laid there on his body with his arms around me. We wanted to stay there forever, but both of us knew we would have to go. Staying in one place to long was just asking for trouble. "Just a little longer babe I don't want to let you go yet." He smiled and brushed the hair from my face "just a bit. You look so beautiful like this in my arms. I want you to know something just in case..." "Johnny don't talk like that" I tried to get up. He pulled me closer "no wait I have to tell you. I have never felt love before you I never had anyone else to worry about. I am never going to let anyone hurt you ever again" he paused as he lightly traced the scar on my shoulder "you know that right? You know that I die a little inside everytime I think of that night! I promised myself that I'd kill anyone who ever touched you again." I kissed him softly "I know baby. I know you're never gonna leave me" he kissed me and held me tighter. I knew there was more he wanted to say "what is it Johnny?" He took a deep breath and with a lowered voice he said "if we make it through this baby, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you"
I stretched my body, shaking off the stiffness from sleeping in the back seat. I pulled Johnny's jacket over me as I stepped out to get dressed. As I finished and stood up I looked around. Panic started to creep in, I couldn't see him anywhere. I know he'd never leave me so where is he. Then I glanced behind a group of bushes and saw him sitting on a large boulder staring at the ground. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him "morning baby" he smiled and kissed me "sleep well beautiful?" I smiled and lean back, stretching my head back smiling. "After last night I definitely slept peacefully" a look of satisfaction lit up Johnny's face and his eyes shined "well I'm glad I could help" he said with a smile. I shoved him back and climbed off his lap laughing. "What now Johnny? Where do we go next" he stared at the ground again "baby I really wish you'd let me take you somewhere safe" I shook my head "no I'm not leaving you. I told you last night we are gonna finish this together" he shrugged his shoulders and sighed "well then I guess I better teach you to drive better, cause next time they come I'll be the one sticking my neck out not you Hondo" he laughed out loud as I shoved him over. I laid there on his body with his arms around me. We wanted to stay there forever, but both of us knew we would have to go. Staying in one place to long was just asking for trouble. "Just a little longer babe I don't want to let you go yet." He smiled and brushed the hair from my face "just a bit. You look so beautiful like this in my arms. I want you to know something just in case..." "Johnny don't talk like that" I tried to get up. He pulled me closer "no wait I have to tell you. I have never felt love before you I never had anyone else to worry about. I am never going to let anyone hurt you ever again" he paused as he lightly traced the scar on my shoulder "you know that right? You know that I die a little inside everytime I think of that night! I promised myself that I'd kill anyone who ever touched you again." I kissed him softly "I know baby. I know you're never gonna leave me" he kissed me and held me tighter. I knew there was more he wanted to say "what is it Johnny?" He took a deep breath and with a lowered voice he said "if we make it through this baby, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you"
In Your Eyes
I feel so alone so lost and scared I don't know where to turn I'm wandering alone through the night with no hope no love
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Stumbling along not knowing what's next hoping you are searching for me. I'm screaming your name why can't you hear me
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Love me tonight take me in your arms rescue me from this darkness. I need to feel your breath on my neck I only feel safe when you're near.
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Baby you are my salvation my life's last breath I am nothing without you in your eyes is where I want to die
You are all I want, take me home in your eyes I want to die
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Stumbling along not knowing what's next hoping you are searching for me. I'm screaming your name why can't you hear me
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Love me tonight take me in your arms rescue me from this darkness. I need to feel your breath on my neck I only feel safe when you're near.
You are all I want where are you tonight I need you to take me home in your eyes I find myself
Baby you are my salvation my life's last breath I am nothing without you in your eyes is where I want to die
You are all I want, take me home in your eyes I want to die
We Will Stay
I've been standing here where you left me tears dried on my face. The pain in my heart is to much I don't think I can take it my arms are lost without you to hold
You're gone you left why? You said goodbye but hesitated I saw it in your eyes you walked away but we will stay
Stupid shit was all we said nothing meant a thing. We've been to hell and back this is easy! Your eyes betray you I know you're mine walk it off and let it go.
You're gone you left why? You said goodbye but hesitated I saw it in your eyes you walked away but we will stay
Take my pain and all my doubts hold me close I need you. I need your love you need me too you are my life we will stay, we will stay
You're gone you left why? You said goodbye but hesitated I saw it in your eyes you walked away but we will stay
Stupid shit was all we said nothing meant a thing. We've been to hell and back this is easy! Your eyes betray you I know you're mine walk it off and let it go.
You're gone you left why? You said goodbye but hesitated I saw it in your eyes you walked away but we will stay
Take my pain and all my doubts hold me close I need you. I need your love you need me too you are my life we will stay, we will stay
Who You Are
I see your face but that's not all I see you try to hide but you can't I see who you are. You think no one knows but I do I see the man you really are.
You talk a good game like your a man of action but what I see is the soft sweetness in your eyes the undeniable passion in your soul. I see who you are. You think no one knows but I do I see the man you really are.
Why can't you see that I want the man who hides inside I want the soul that hides within. Look at me look in my eyes can't you see it's me? I see who you are. You think no one knows but I do I see the man you really are.
You talk a good game like your a man of action but what I see is the soft sweetness in your eyes the undeniable passion in your soul. I see who you are. You think no one knows but I do I see the man you really are.
Why can't you see that I want the man who hides inside I want the soul that hides within. Look at me look in my eyes can't you see it's me? I see who you are. You think no one knows but I do I see the man you really are.
My Salvation
Wonder through life always searching for my soul it's hard to see the road ahead. I need to find a way to run away from here.
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
You have that smile that grabs my soul it takes hold of my heart in your eyes I see the man you really are save me take me in your arms
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
How did I never see you before. How could I let you be without me I can't believe you've been there all along I can't believe you never let me see!
You are my salvation. You set me free you show me how life is meant to be
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
You have that smile that grabs my soul it takes hold of my heart in your eyes I see the man you really are save me take me in your arms
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
How did I never see you before. How could I let you be without me I can't believe you've been there all along I can't believe you never let me see!
You are my salvation. You set me free you show me how life is meant to be
Will you be my salvation and show me the way all I want is to find the road that leads me home
JS part 3
As we pull back onto the road I stare straight ahead. I can't look at him, I know he's mad. I can feel him staring at me between glances at the road. Finally I slowly face him. I was shocked at what I saw. I've never seen Johnny cry before, I started to shake "baby please don't be mad at me, I didn't see any other way. I was so scared I'd loose you. I didn't know what else to do. " I wipe the tears from his face, seeing him cry out of fear for me makes me feel horrible for the accusations. "Johnny I'm sorry I thought you cheated I..." He put his hand on my leg and squeezed it to stop me "Listen to me. I love you with everything I have, and you doing what you did today reminds me of how amazing you are. You had no fear, you saved our lives babe. But you can't ever do that again!" I promised I would never act so impetuous again. He smiled and I laid my head on his chest as he put his arm around me. As he drove I fell asleep. I don't know how long we'd been travelling but when I woke up it was dark. Johnny was shaking me gently. "Wake up go sleep in the back seat" I leaned into him "no I don't want to be away from you."He leaned his seat back and pulled me in close. I gently traced his chest with my finger tips "why is this happening again how did they find us? I thought you said it was over!" He takes my hand in his and kisses it gently "all I can think of is someone knew where we were going. Did you tell anyone or call anyone?" I hadn't told anybody i left everything behind. Johnny was all I had. "no nobody"
Whatever the reason we were running again. And all of this because Johnny was a great cop.
A year ago he was working in Chicago with the anti gang unit. I guess he was too good at his job because he took down a drug house and shot some pretty big people. They grabbed me and thought he'd roll over and die. They were wrong. He got me and we ran. He never would have left if it hadn't been for me. He would have stayed and killed as many as he could before they got him. I begged him to run with me, watching him die was more than I could have bared.
I could feel his breath relaxing but I knew he was still awake, he wouldn't sleep tonight. He'd hold me and he'd watch for other cars. I tried to stay awake, wanting to feel his arms around me. "Johnny" "Ya?" "Can't we just leave and go somewhere else? I mean it worked before!" I leaned on his chest and looked into his eyes. "Baby I wish it was that easy. If they found us here then no where is safe. I have to end this" I sat up and glare at him "what do you mean YOU have to end this. Do you honestly think I'm leaving you alone? "He was about to answer but I cut him off " there's no way that I'm gonna sit back and watch them try to kill you. I'd rather die with you than be here without you" He bolted up in his seat "don't you ever say that. You are my responsibility! I will always protect you" "how the fuck can you protect me if your dead!" I jerked open the car door and got out. I don't know where I was going, but I felt like I was going to explode! I could hear him yelling for me to stop and come back. He started running after me. I stopped and turned to face him, tears streaming down my face "you don't get to make this decision Johnny. I'm coming with you! Don't you dare leave me behind!" He took my face in both hands and stared into my eyes "I promise you that we will finish this together I won't leave you I promise" he pulled me closer and kissed me so deeply. I'd never felt him kiss me like that before. I got lost in him. He leaned back and smiled slyly "Come on baby, lets go back to the car, I'm pretty sure both of us will fit in that back seat"
Whatever the reason we were running again. And all of this because Johnny was a great cop.
A year ago he was working in Chicago with the anti gang unit. I guess he was too good at his job because he took down a drug house and shot some pretty big people. They grabbed me and thought he'd roll over and die. They were wrong. He got me and we ran. He never would have left if it hadn't been for me. He would have stayed and killed as many as he could before they got him. I begged him to run with me, watching him die was more than I could have bared.
I could feel his breath relaxing but I knew he was still awake, he wouldn't sleep tonight. He'd hold me and he'd watch for other cars. I tried to stay awake, wanting to feel his arms around me. "Johnny" "Ya?" "Can't we just leave and go somewhere else? I mean it worked before!" I leaned on his chest and looked into his eyes. "Baby I wish it was that easy. If they found us here then no where is safe. I have to end this" I sat up and glare at him "what do you mean YOU have to end this. Do you honestly think I'm leaving you alone? "He was about to answer but I cut him off " there's no way that I'm gonna sit back and watch them try to kill you. I'd rather die with you than be here without you" He bolted up in his seat "don't you ever say that. You are my responsibility! I will always protect you" "how the fuck can you protect me if your dead!" I jerked open the car door and got out. I don't know where I was going, but I felt like I was going to explode! I could hear him yelling for me to stop and come back. He started running after me. I stopped and turned to face him, tears streaming down my face "you don't get to make this decision Johnny. I'm coming with you! Don't you dare leave me behind!" He took my face in both hands and stared into my eyes "I promise you that we will finish this together I won't leave you I promise" he pulled me closer and kissed me so deeply. I'd never felt him kiss me like that before. I got lost in him. He leaned back and smiled slyly "Come on baby, lets go back to the car, I'm pretty sure both of us will fit in that back seat"
JS part 2
ONE YEAR LATER
“Where have you been for 3 days and don’t give me bullshit I wanna know who the fuck she is Johnny? WHO IS SHE?” I can’t believe this is happening, how could he do this to me. I’m the one who gives him everything, he says I’m his soul, that I saved his life and now this. I look at him as he stands in the doorway. He walks towards me "baby I swear you’ve got it all wrong I’m not cheating…” “Shut up Johnny where else could you possibly have been. I can’t believe…” I drop to my knees, I just wanna die. He rushes towards me and falls to to his knees in front of me “LISTEN TO ME! I would never hurt you. I’d die before that happened, look in my eyes, you know you’re my soul! I’ve been away to protect you we have to go NOW I’ll explain on the way”. I was relieved and terrified at the same time. I let him help me up and he dragged me out the door and down the stairs. I’m barley in the car before he’s speeding off down the road. “Johnny you’re scaring me what’s going on? I thought this was over?” I absently rub the scar on my shoulder. ” baby I thought it was to but they found me. I never should have brought you with me, but I just couldn’t leave you.” He glances at me with that look of pure innocence on his face. I gently caress his cheek “I never would have let you leave me behind Johnny. I’d die without you with me” before he can say another word a hail of bullets screams past the car. “GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR” he drives faster, trying to put distance between us and the truck gaining on us.
I reach under the seat. I know Johnny keeps his Beretta there. Before he can stop me I’m in the back seat of the car. I smash out the window just as the guys chasing us fire another wave. I can see him through the windshield struggling with his HK. I can hear Johnny screaming for me to stop, I’ve never heard fear in his voice before! I can’t let this moment pass I lean out the rear window and prop my arms on the trunk “JUST KEEP IT STILL BABE” the driver sees me to late. I lift my body up and aim just as the passenger goes to fire again. I shoot 3 rounds centre of mass, just like Johnny taught me, slumps forward. I turn to the driver and unload the rest of the clip. The truck veers and slams into a tree.
I collapse in the back seat in shock. Johnny slams on the breaks and gets out. He opens the back door and pulls me out. I can see the mixed look on his face of rage, pride and fear. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. “Good job baby, lets go”
“Where have you been for 3 days and don’t give me bullshit I wanna know who the fuck she is Johnny? WHO IS SHE?” I can’t believe this is happening, how could he do this to me. I’m the one who gives him everything, he says I’m his soul, that I saved his life and now this. I look at him as he stands in the doorway. He walks towards me "baby I swear you’ve got it all wrong I’m not cheating…” “Shut up Johnny where else could you possibly have been. I can’t believe…” I drop to my knees, I just wanna die. He rushes towards me and falls to to his knees in front of me “LISTEN TO ME! I would never hurt you. I’d die before that happened, look in my eyes, you know you’re my soul! I’ve been away to protect you we have to go NOW I’ll explain on the way”. I was relieved and terrified at the same time. I let him help me up and he dragged me out the door and down the stairs. I’m barley in the car before he’s speeding off down the road. “Johnny you’re scaring me what’s going on? I thought this was over?” I absently rub the scar on my shoulder. ” baby I thought it was to but they found me. I never should have brought you with me, but I just couldn’t leave you.” He glances at me with that look of pure innocence on his face. I gently caress his cheek “I never would have let you leave me behind Johnny. I’d die without you with me” before he can say another word a hail of bullets screams past the car. “GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR” he drives faster, trying to put distance between us and the truck gaining on us.
I reach under the seat. I know Johnny keeps his Beretta there. Before he can stop me I’m in the back seat of the car. I smash out the window just as the guys chasing us fire another wave. I can see him through the windshield struggling with his HK. I can hear Johnny screaming for me to stop, I’ve never heard fear in his voice before! I can’t let this moment pass I lean out the rear window and prop my arms on the trunk “JUST KEEP IT STILL BABE” the driver sees me to late. I lift my body up and aim just as the passenger goes to fire again. I shoot 3 rounds centre of mass, just like Johnny taught me, slumps forward. I turn to the driver and unload the rest of the clip. The truck veers and slams into a tree.
I collapse in the back seat in shock. Johnny slams on the breaks and gets out. He opens the back door and pulls me out. I can see the mixed look on his face of rage, pride and fear. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. “Good job baby, lets go”
JS part 1
He’s been shot and cut and he's covered in blood. He has that look of pure lust for vengeance on his face. As he struggles to stand pure adrenaline pushes him forward. He raises his gun, I can see the determination in his eyes he can never hide it from me his eyes bare all. The man holding me has no idea the mistake he’s made, most would believe taking a mans heart and sole would force him to submit but not this time. I knew he would come and I knew nothing would stop him from holding me in his arms again. He’s a killer he always has been it’s all he knows I am his one link to humanity I keep him alive, and he will never let anyone take me away, I am his life. He walks slowly towards us, gun raised eyes fixed on mine I know I am his only weakness looking in my eyes would make him doubt what he is about to do so i look away. He focuses on the men around him I see his eyes go blank that look used to scare me but now it burns in my body, a heat only he can cause. Most women would cry out, not me, his hair sweaty and covered with blood, his shirt torn where the knife sliced his chest, his left arm struggling for strength from the gunshot. To be honest I’d never wanted him more, my body ached for him as I stood there. I knew what was next, these men were already dead. He turns and shoots the two men behind him, the man to his left grabs his left arm. Reflex and pain set him in motion, the idiot that touched him is on his back within seconds, he crouches down and in one quick motion slits the mans throat spraying blood all over the front of his chest and face. Without hesitating he’s up and lunging for the final man, they trade shots but johnny is fierce and has nothing to loose. He grabs his neck and chokes him as he jerks his knife into the mans ribs. Before he hits the ground Johnny is already headed toward us. I feel the knife at my throat draw blood as my terrified captor tenses up. I look into the eyes of the man I love, it’s not fear and desperation he, sees its pure confidence and love. He can see how much I need him, how badly I need to be in his arms. His eyes turn cold as he looks at the man holding me, the knife at my throat and then he sees the blood. The site of my blood infuriates him, rage takes over him “get your fucking hands off of her" the man holding me just keeps repeating how he didn’t know and he’s sorry it’s all a mistake, but that doesn’t matter anymore, he started something that Johnny is going to finish. Again he tells him to let me go, the man holding me steps backward pulling me with him as Johnny advances. As he does he trips, taking me down with him. I scream out in pain as the knife penetrates my shoulder. I’ve never seen him move so fast, he was on us in seconds, he ripped his knife into the guys stomach and he gurgles his last breath. Johnny pulls me up and checks my shoulder. I tell him I’m fine not to worry and to hold me and never let go. He wraps his strong arms around me and holds my body tight to his. I wrap my arms around his neck, the images of what just happened running through my head, the look in his eyes when he saw the blood running down my neck ignites a fire in the pit of my stomach. I whisper how much I love him, how much I need him. He tells me he would die without me. He holds my face in his hands and looks in my eyes, he’s always said he knew I was the one the first time he looked into my eyes. He can see how dark blue they are, he can feel how heavy I’m breathing and the slight touch of my finger tips, tracing the cut on his chest. He gently pulls me close and lightly kisses my lips. I tell him that he’s mine forever and I’m never letting him go. He held me tighter "babe your my life and I will alway come for you. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you" he effortlessly lifted me up and carried me away from the horror and the carnage. I tell him he saved my life, how he is my hero he stops and looks at me with a look I’ve never seen before in the two years I’ve loved him. A look of desperation. He kisses my lips “you don’t understand. I am who I am today because of you, before you I was nothing, I was a machine, all I knew was death. The moment I looked into your eyes when we met I knew that there was more, that I could be more."
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